Slowing Down

Last week, I went for my first run postpartum and this morning, I was able to spend 25 minutes on my yoga mat. While I'm really proud that I found made time to do this (only possible with Ryan's help, of course), I'm reluctant to share it, as I don't want the intention behind it to be misconstrued. I'd be ignoring the obvious if I didn't acknowledge the role these activities'll likely play in my body post-pregnancy but right now, it's more than that.

During my second trimester, I replaced my running routine with regular walks. I wasn't sure walking was a hobby I could get into; despite knowing it would be worthwhile, mentally, I just wasn't into it. On a superficial level, I kept wondering what I would get out of walking. I knew it wouldn't yield the same level of sweat or mileage as running, so when there was so much going on in my day-to-day, would I really prioritize walking over other things on my to-do list?

And then, just like that, I did. Before school let out in June, I found myself looking forward to morning walks before work, the chance to get out and moving before much of the world was awake. I quickly found that I liked walking despite my ever-growing to-do lists. I knew it wasn't burning the same calories compared to running, but surprisingly, that's what I loved about it. When I stripped away the obvious physical benefits, I was able to focus on everything else I got out of it, and I was left with something I've really always known.

I appreciated all those walks because of what they did for me mentally. Being active, and I think walking in particular, feels like a real-life Saved by the Bell time-out; it puts perspective on all the tasks of the day, the stresses of the week, and the challenges that feel past my reach. I found myself going out to walk so I could have time to slow down and just be.

Given where I am in my life at this very moment, finding time to go for a walk or run or be on my yoga mat seems like the incredible feat, but I know making it a priority is worth it. Yes, I know it will help me physically and I'm not above that being important - I'm sure there are times when that will be the driving force behind why I do it, but while I associate running and working out with moving quickly to burn calories, right now, being active feels like a chance to slow down. I'm still getting used to the idea that I now wear the hat of mom and do not for one second get me wrong - it's an amazing gift to have this role in someone's life. But that being said, it would be unfair to myself if I ignored the parts of me that have existed for the past thirty years, all the roles I had prior to my daughter's arrival, all the aspects of my life that I hope help contribute to me being a good parent.

When I'm able to go for a 15 minute run or close the door to our office to stretch or even sit down to write all of this, I'm honoring those other parts of me. And I know these moments of time, albeit brief, to just be someone who isn't defined by a relationship will make me all the better in those relationships.

The First Step

Most people who know me know that I am a really big fan of Gretchen Rubin's for so many reasons. As her work pushes my thinking and sense of self-awareness, it's given me a whole new reason to appreciate her. Gretchen's (yes, I refer to her by her first name) most recent book, Better Than Before, is about habit forming and how knowing yourself can lead to more effective habit building and ultimately, a happier life. 

So with her voice in the back of my mind (literally; she has an awesome podcast too), I tried to set myself up for success after an amazing, but hectic, summer. Rather than wait to get settled in to my new job before "finding" the time to run, I knew it was important to jump right in. If I waited for things to slow down, I'd be waiting forever. Instead of finding the time, I had to make it, so as soon as I started my new job in August, I made sure to schedule runs as well. More so than I have in a long time, I scheduled my runs routinely, which has been helpful. Saturday morning, Tuesday morning, and Thursday afternoon have been my times to run, and knowing that schedule cuts out the decision making, because it's become part of my routine. I know this won't be forever, especially as I start to ramp up my training for Hope Express, but if the goal was to get back into running, it feels good to say I've accomplished that.

The same holds true for getting back in to writing on my blog. I can't wait until I have the perfect idea or until I have a larger block of time. Knowing myself, taking the first step on a project or in the way of building a habit goes a really long way for me. Oftentimes, I just need to begin.

And so now, I've begun! I've got a pretty solid foundation under my belt; one that, on top of getting me back out there, has served me during this major life transition. And that's something worth celebrating, because part of knowing myself is finally accepting that I'm a runner. 

here we go - Hope Express 2016!

It’s so exciting to be back on the East Coast and to able to enjoy everything that comes with it: proximity to family and friends, cheesesteaks at a moment’s notice, and the opportunity to participate in an event that means so much to me – Hope Express! In honor of the event’s tenth anniversary of raising hope and awareness for pediatric cancer, Hope Express will be tackling even more miles with the goal of raising even more money for The Four Diamonds Fund. The Hope Express will have FIVE teams setting out to tackle the miles between Hershey and Penn State’s THON. This year I’m challenging myself to be a part of the Hope Express’s Blood and Guts Team. This back-to-basics team is a nod to the event’s origins; its runners will organize all the logistics of the run and set out on a brand new route.

The Four Diamonds Fund provides both financial and medical support to its families during their battle with cancer. Families’ involvement in THON provides them with a renewed sense of hope, and a reminder to not give up, no matter how hard times may get. Hank and Connie Angus, parents of Gabe, a Four Diamonds child, began Hope Express in 2007 as a way to bridge the gap between THON and the children on the 7th floor at Hershey Medical Center. Families whose children are too sick to attend THON weekend are now able to have some of the magic brought to them, and their words and letters are given to the Hope Express runners to carry on their backs during the 24-hour relay all the way to Penn State.

As a Hope Express runner, I will run multiple legs of the relay, tackling grueling hills through whatever unpredictable weather February may bring. Running is not something that comes easily to me, but it is an honor to bring hope to those who have no choice but to stand tall in their fight against cancer.

The Hope Express has raised over $500,000 to date for the Four Diamonds Fund, bringing us that much closer to conquering childhood cancer. Please consider supporting me this year as part of Hope Express in honor and support of the Four Diamonds families. Every donation, regardless of the amount, brings us one step closer to finding a cure. Personally, I have set a goal to raise $1,800, and I can only achieve it with your support. Donations can be easily made online at http://www.give2theexpress.org/blood-guts-team/darian-mckenzie/. If you prefer, however, you may opt to mail a check, payable to “Hope Express,” directly to me; just let me know if you need my address. While the run is not until February, please consider donating by November 30 if you are able to do so.

It’s with your help that I have been able to contribute thousands of dollars over the past several years to support cancer research and those affected by this disease. I am so grateful for all of your love and support, which inspires me to give to this incredible cause. As always, please feel free to follow my journey by visiting my blog (www.starsinthesky24.blogspot.com), where I will write about running and my experiences training for the big event.

For the Kids,

Darian

Thank You!

Thank you SO much for all of your support over the past few months leading up to last weekend's half-marathon. Last Sunday, I ran 13.1 miles in support of Girls on the Run, and while I had set a lofty fundraising goal, thanks to your incredibly generous donations, we topped it, raising $1447! Because of this, NINE young girls will have the opportunity to participate in Girls on the Run next spring.  

Despite the forecast of rain, race day turned out to be beautiful. The atmosphere was fun and celebratory, and the course was 2+ loops around an island, making it easy for spectators (including my incredibly supportive husband - thank you Ryan!) to get around to cheer. In addition to your donations to GOTR, I appreciate the well wishes, texts, and calls leading up to race day. Your support truly did help me to cross the finish line that day, and to feel good about the work I put in to get there. 

The mission of Girls on the Run is to inspire girls to be joyful, healthy, and confident. To learn more about Girls on the Run in your area, click here to find your local council.                                            Again, thank you!                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 Darian                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

The Honeymooners

View of beach

While visiting Vis, one of the Dalmatian islands, we decided to check out a more remote beach on the island. At most, there were a dozen people there, and we ended up sitting next to two families from the States. After they randomly offered for us to use their snorkel gear (which we did- it was awesome!), I mentioned that we were on our belated honeymoon. One of the woman said, "When my husband and I were on our honeymoon, we decided it wasn't over until we said it's over. That was 29 years ago. We're still on our honeymoon." When we ran into her with her husband later that night, he shared it yet again. Hearing their advice for a second time, I realized this was clearly something they had lived by for the past 29 years. Regardless of where they are - the incredible Dalmatian islands or the kitchen of your own house - they are still on their honeymoon. 

Even after more than two weeks of a time out from the "real world," flying over the Atlantic Ocean now, I can't help but be a little bummed that our trip is coming to a close. Anticipating this moment, I've thought a lot about that couple on the beach and their advice. Sure, we will return home this weekend and while I won't even go back to work immediately, there will be chores to do, bills to pay, inevitable must-do's. I can't stop that from happening, but that wasn't that point of the motto of this couple. Yes, there are daily obligations we must attend to that sometimes cloud the vision of the bigger picture, but there are also things, and more importantly, people, who make our lives what they are.

I've spent a lot of time considering this motto, or really, attitude, over the past week, and naturally connected it to running. Lately, I've run pretty routine runs and have built them into these larger-than-necessary things. Because I want to stick to my training plan and hit certain targets, I have been trying to balance being away with my desire to stay on track to train for the half. I can't always change the facts of these runs and how they turn out, and I don't even need to really, because I can control how I approach them, and choose what set of glasses I view them through. The same run means two different things depending on how I view it. 

Celebrating our first anniversary!

Similar to the word vacation, the word honeymoon carries a certain connotation. Reflecting on it this past week, I realize that so much of it is mental. I know it's easier for me to brush aside the little things when I'm away, but why? Why can't this be an attitude I at least strive to maintain regardless of where I am? 

As the couple on the beach suggested, we don't need to pack away our honeymoon mentality when we return home. My hope is that as Ryan and I unpack our suitcases, we will forgo the routine of putting away the metaphorical (sun)glasses with which we have viewed the past 2+ weeks, and really, this first year of marriage. If honeymoons are mental, then we can, and I hope we will, continue this trip throughout our entire marriage, and rival this couple for the world's longest honeymoon. 

Written last month, somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean

If You Lived Here, You'd Be Home Already

Top of the Schönbrunn Castle in Vienna

This post was written last month, while in Europe.

We arrived into Zagreb, Croatia's capital city, late last night. We're staying in an apartment in the center of what seems like a fairly small, but bustling, city. When we were first looking for places to stay, I was quickly won over by this one's balcony, hanging seven floors above the city- I'm a sucker for a good balcony. I love the easy access to fresh air, but I also love the birds' eye view it gives us. In Prague, we visited the Prague Castle which, high up on a hill, is a step back from the city, and yesterday, when we made a quick visit to Schönbrunn on a stopover in Vienna, again we were able to see the whole city from afar. On this balcony though, I can look out and see far...but I also get to look down and see the details- professionals rushing to work, people biking through the streets, vendors setting up at the market. Like a fly on the wall, I get a peak into life in this new place from the perfect distance.

View from our balcony in Zagreb

While we were in Prague over the weekend, we walked over to the farmers' market near our friends' apartment. It was a beautiful day, without the humidity that makes spending time outside back home something to avoid. Strolling through the stalls, I thought how if I lived so close to this, I would spend much of my Saturday mornings there. But just as quickly as I thought it, I realize that across the world, I do live near a farmers' market. It's not foreign and sure, they don't serve beer, but I have access to it twice a week, a five minute walk from my apartment...and I rarely go. Away from home, it's easy to forget the mundane tasks that fill up much of my free time- laundry, paying bills, completing endless to-do lists. It's easy to get caught in a web of what if's. 

Just before we left Ann Arbor, I was running through the Arboretum near our apartment, and saw a poster on the notice board at the entrance that said "If you're too busy to run today, then you're too busy." For me, this is just another reminder

of something I have spent much time thinking about in the last few years. On vacation, it's easy to stand back from my every-day life and see all the potential that lives in a place. I get to watch people doing what they enjoy, outside of work and the mundane tasks they must complete within their homes. For me, of course, I get to enjoy that, with no restrictions on what I have to do, nothing being dictated. I get to imagine a life where time is a gift, rather than a restriction. But there has to be a middle ground, I place where I can continue to "live like I'm on vacation,"even after I have returned home. 

Maybe it's like wearing metaphorical bifocals. I'm not going to ever be in a financial position where I can just travel and peek into others' worlds, and I don't even want that. I like being connected and settled.  Instead, I seek the feeling of wonder, perspective, appreciation. I don't want to be so busy that I don't have time to discover the new things, or enjoy my favorite things. I know you can't make more time, but you can certainly find it, and I don't need to travel around the globe to find time to pause and just be. 

Like a Girl

Catching up on some articles I bookmarked before our trip, I read this goodie from Runner's World. The article is written about the video below, and is about the difference between how little girls and young women view the term "like a girl." It's exactly what I thought about on my run this morning, pushing myself. Worth the watch and read!

"There is no proven way to teach girls that running like a girl, hitting like a girl or thinking like a girl is a compliment – other than living it."